10 things i love about Jason....

- that he remembers the smallest details

- that he is so organized

- that he is funny around people

- that he is so romantic

- that he plans the most amazing surprises

- that he always lets me know that he loves me

- that he is always prepared

- that he has everything one needs in his apartment

- that he is a great chef

- that he has such a great relationship with his parents

- that he always leaves me messages for me to look forward to to read when we havent been talking for a long time

- that he is so independent

- that he is great writer

- that he gets the big picture

- that he has the most beautiful nose I have ever seen

- that he dress to impress

- that he is punctual

- that he is well educated

- that he knows whats the best food on the menu

- that he is well mannered when it matters

- that he makes me want to be a better person.

- that you can always count on him in hard situations.


... this was more than 10, and much more to havent been listed

Could, would, should

Tuesday morning and I know he is flying out from Munich.
Theres no way to reach him. I tried to call, but no answer. And i have texted, no reply.

I should have been there for him during those last two days. I should have called him, seen him.
Been. there. for. him.
But I acted as a coward. A coward i was. I was emotionless. Without thoughts, without feelings. I pushed all that away. Deep down. And felt absolutley nothing.

The emotions came right on friday morning. When he left.
I cried when i woke up. I cried when i was getting ready for class. I cried on my way to class.
I cried as i saw my classmate Edwin, and he told me he had a very vivid dream about me.
I cried as i was walking up the stairs at stoma. "Allergies" i excused myself.

I couldnt walk in to class. Instead i stood outside. Tears would not stop.
"Whats going on?" ask Roger. I just shock my head and looked away.

I cried and i cried.

I betrayed him. I left him all alone. I did this to him. How could you do that, Diba?
And I am crying as i am writting this. The tears wont stop. The heart is aching.
What did you do to him? You cruel, cruel person. You did absolutley nothing. How could you.

Im sorry.