Could, would, should

Tuesday morning and I know he is flying out from Munich.
Theres no way to reach him. I tried to call, but no answer. And i have texted, no reply.

I should have been there for him during those last two days. I should have called him, seen him.
Been. there. for. him.
But I acted as a coward. A coward i was. I was emotionless. Without thoughts, without feelings. I pushed all that away. Deep down. And felt absolutley nothing.

The emotions came right on friday morning. When he left.
I cried when i woke up. I cried when i was getting ready for class. I cried on my way to class.
I cried as i saw my classmate Edwin, and he told me he had a very vivid dream about me.
I cried as i was walking up the stairs at stoma. "Allergies" i excused myself.

I couldnt walk in to class. Instead i stood outside. Tears would not stop.
"Whats going on?" ask Roger. I just shock my head and looked away.

I cried and i cried.

I betrayed him. I left him all alone. I did this to him. How could you do that, Diba?
And I am crying as i am writting this. The tears wont stop. The heart is aching.
What did you do to him? You cruel, cruel person. You did absolutley nothing. How could you.

Im sorry.